Soulless - How I learned I like Urban Fantasy

On October 1st at 7:56 am something happened. You see, several weeks before that I bumped into a fascinating person on Twitter by the name of Gail Carriger. I don't know who followed who first, but I'm fairly sure it was due to a Follow Friday suggestion from Jill Estabrooks.

Gail Carriger is a fascinating person to follow on Twitter, and her website is a boon to anyone interested in Steampunk. Also, she happens to be an author. Her style of humor on Twitter made me think her books would be excellent to read, but unfortunately her books weren't actually out yet.

So I really had no choice... I had to preorder her first book: Soulless. I admit I was nervous. I am not the type to preorder books. Also I haven't read much in the way of Steampunk besides The Difference Engine. Although I have a rather fluid gender identity the idea of reading what might be construed as a romance novel worried me.

And then on October 1st at 7:56 am it finally happened... Soulless magically appeared on my iPhone. Nevermind that I was supposed to be at work at 8:00.

My expectations were off however. Soulless was better than I expected. I had not read a book that good since Spook Country, or perhaps Keeping It Real.

There were many genres in Soulless. Steampunk, vampires, werewolves, science, romance, comedy... Listing them all off almost sounds silly. But that's exactly what this book is.

The Steampunk is woven casually in, like Firefly. The romance was believable and did not offend my X chromosome, yet made my Y chromosome beg for more. British humor bringing it all together naturally with preternatural Alexia Tarabotti standing in the middle of it.

I look forward to preordering her next book: Changeless. (don't read the synopsis of Changeless until you read Soulless, as it might have spoilers!)

I highly suggest adding this to your list of books to read. It is a fast read that keeps you interested. It blends several genres smoothly, letting you sample several while still staying in the comfort zone of whichever is your favorite genre. It won't challenge your beliefs in humanity or deal with very many social issues, but it will make you smile which is more important anyways.

I had a dream last night and it fit me like a glove

Last night I dreamed I installed linux. Ubuntu I believe. In my bed. Yes, I dreamed I installed linux in my bed. I mean, if you are going to have an OS installed in your bed, do you really want Vista on there?

But it just wasn't working quite how I wanted. Because apparently I installed linux in my bed. And my pillow was just simply not behaving quite right. Normally I like to tuck my arm under the pillow, but apparently Ubuntu wouldn't let me do that. Whenever I tried the pillow would move. It was otherwise a completely functional pillow, except that if you tried to put anything under it (besides the bed of course) it would just not work.

So, I tried looking in the man pages for info on pillow and beds... but you know how man pages are. After a good hour I still couldn't figure out what I wanted (although I did learn all sorts of other completely unrelated things I could do with my bed). I also discovered that changing the covers was a pretty easy task if you installed this other little thing. So I downloaded the RPM and sure enough, pretty cool, I could change the color of my covers. Still couldn't put my arm under the pillow though.

Looked up a few other flavors of linux, and sure enough, pretty much none of them let you put your arm under the pillow. Apparently they would have to completely rewrite the pillow in order to allow that. So I got frustrated and decide maybe I should just give up and go with Windows since I knew you could put your arm under the pillow in Windows.

At that point my alarm went off and I woke up. My arm was under my pillow. WTF.

So, now I'm trying to analyze this dream. I believe my mind is trying to tell me about the frustrations of linux. So much potential, so much power, so much freedom, but there is always that annoying little frustrating thing that you can't figure out how to fix unless you get way too deep. But yet a strong desire to go away from Windows. But... why didn't I dream about a Mac bed? That would be a nice bed. Probably really sleek looking, and all white. I would totally buy a bed from Mac.

Male or Female?

It's pretty obvious for all of us to know if we are male or female. I mean, just check between your legs, right? But do you ACT and THINK like a male or female? That's a much trickier question.

I've always claimed that I am somewhere in between. Androgynous, so to speak. Not in the sense that I am a neither, but more that I have traits that are feminine, and traits that are masculine. I think this is a good thing, because I feel that I can relate to either gender.

So I ran across a little widget on BBC that identifies if you think like a girl or a guy.

It gives you a nice little graph at the end. Turns out I am right in the middle.

As a general rule, on each part I scored higher than BOTH men and women, the only exception was the eyes test (which I thought was done poorly, normally I am quite good at reading people's eyes), and Words (which I misunderstood how it was supposed to be done). I am more empathic than women, more analytical than men. I'm mostly ambidextrous, so that invalidated part of the test. My hands apparently are built like a woman's (I already know that from working in a jewelry store for a while). I prefer masculine looking faces apparently (but mostly I didn't like any of the photos, they all looked like mug shots). I'm not entirely sure I understood the Ultimatum test.

So there you have it. I'm androgynous in my gender identity. I'm the best of both. Or at least, that's what BBC tells me. I think what would be interesting is to see how different age ranges test on it... Are 50 year old men more 'manly' than new age 20 somethings?

Today

Well, we all knew it would happen eventually.

I have gotten bored of this blog thing. It turns out that I actually don't like ranting about random topics. I find blogs to be pretentious, and I find those that write them, and those that read them, to be pretentious.

I simply just don't have anything to say. I'm not a very wordy person, so it's so hard for me to come up with things to blog about. So it's just silly for me to keep this up.

I'll go ahead and leave my blog up for a few more days, just so everyone can snag any links off of there that they want. And then I'll be deleting my blog. I'm thinking I should probably take down my website too, http://oakwright.org.

I've also been thinking about giving up video games too. They are boring. I've been trying too hard to be a geek. I burn out on MMO's, and find myself just fiddling around to waste time. So I've decided to take up something that would better me as a person, and entertain me. I'm thinking perhaps taking up a sport... My coworker tells me about this game called Frisbee Golf. I liked paintball, so it makes sense that I should like other outdoor sports. I might just go ahead and try golf instead though, or maybe baseball, I hear it's the right season for that.

I've also decided that I should give up on giving up meat. I never really liked meat. But why? It's pointless. So what if it's the cooked flesh that came out of a living being that had big soft eyes before it was mercilessly slaughtered? It's just a cow. Moo. So tonight, I am going to have a big steak.

No more doing the dew either. That stuff is bad for you. I think I'm gonna give up caffiene altogether. For real. I mean it this time.

Does anyone want to buy my Alienware computer? Since I'm not going to play video games I don't really need it anymore, let me know your best offer. I could use that money to buy my new golf clubs.

I think I'll get a haircut tonight. The long hair thing is so overdone. I should shave too.

A Prolific Squalor - IM's gone mad

I have stumbled upon a great blog. It is simply snippets of IM conversations. They are great! I highly suggest checking it out, it's called A Prolific Squalor.

Some of them are mild, and boring. Some are awesome. In the spirit, I have a piece of an IM conversation I had today for you all to read.

A: shut up I hate you
B: bapa
A: no
B: no
B: I say no to your no
A: I'm gonna no your noing no
A: no
B: nononono, and just for good measure I'm going to no your nonononono
B: for shits and giggles I'm gonna yes your nonononononono, if it gets that far.
A: what if it was only a nono though?
B: I might maybe that.
B: Did you get C's microphone fixed yet?
A: heh... no.

txt 4 pizza

The other day I decided to order some pizza from Papa Johns. I knew there was the ability to order pizza using text messages, so I wanted to try it out. Last time I ordered online I setup my account to be able to do it (which mostly required me to save a favorite order, save my credit card info, and enter in my cell phone number).

First of all, I didn't know who to text my order to. But I found it on their website after a bit of hunting around. And then the conversation between me and that automated system began. Let me show you the dialog we had

Me: Fav
PJ: TXT FAV1 to order Favorite1
Me: Fav1
PJ: Reply Y1 to confirm order of yadayada $18.98 NOW CASH
Me: N1
PJ: You have cancelled your FAVORITES order.
Me: Fav1 pay 9999
PJ: 9999 is not accepted for this order. Reply PAYMENTS for a list of your Payment Types.
Me: Payments
PJ: 1) VS9999 2) Cash 3) Check
Me: 1
PJ: Sorry but we did not understand your request.
Me: Fav1 pay vs9999
PJ: Reply Y1 to confirm order of FAV1 yadayada $18.98 NOW VS9999
PJ: If you would like to add a TIP reply TIP and the amount (18% $3.42)
Me: Tip 4
PJ: Thank you for your order, yada yada
PJ: Thank you for your order. FAV1 will be delivered in approx 30-40 minutes.

Did you read all that? Nah, I didn't figure so. It was a pain! It would have been quicker to call. It would have been quicker to order online. It would have been quicker to use messenger pigeon!!!

Apparently they also think you should tip 18%. Interesting. I usually pick a random number depending on service, how poor I'm feeling, and how thankful I am to have someone else bringing me food. That day, I was hungry, so $4 bucks it was. In the end, it took over an hour for the pizza to get there. In retrospect, I shoulda tipped less, but the text messaging system didn't tell me the pizza was going to be late when it asked for my tip amount.

Next time though, I have it figured out. I'm gonna try typing in "Fav1 pay vs9999 Tip 4" and see what happens.

Uphill Both Ways

I know I've already complained about the drivers of Washington State in snowy conditions. But it must be done again.

Today there was snow, almost an inch. Now, my car isn't the best car for snow, but it does have manual transmission which in my opinion makes things a LOT easier. But all of those other vehicles, the SUV's, the 4x4 pickup trucks, the hummers, and all of the nice cute little hybrid cars out here apparently handle snow worse than a car (and driver) from South Dakota.

It took me nearly half an hour longer to drive my 15 minute drive to work today. There were several times we were going 5 miles an hour. I spent most of the time in first gear, and only twice (very shortly) did I get to switch to third gear (I normally go pretty much the whole drive in 4th).

Most of the way I was in no danger of dying in a fiery snowy crash, I was just in danger of dying of boredom. Except for that one idiot that didn't know how to drive on snow, so decided to tailgate me the whole way.

I mean geez people, is it so hard? Drive normal, apply your brakes before you get to the stoplight, don't tailgate, don't panic. Easy! Back when I was a kid in South Dakota I had to drive uphill both ways through several inches of snow every day to get to school! Oh crap. Does saying that automatically make me old? Maybe I should go check for grey hairs...

Eat your heart out Walt Disney

I have decided I am going to take up a life in the theatre. I plan on working in the field of ice ballets. My first production will be a social commentary on the winter driving habits in the Pacific Northwest. I shall name it "Roundabouts on Ice".

I live somewhere between Seattle and Portland. We got a nice skim of ice on the roads this morning. I'm assuming it's due to freezing rain, but I didn't actually stop and interview the ice. I drive a small little car. It handles WONDERFULLY in icy weather, it's very similar to a snowmobile. But even I was having trouble this morning...

This area is well known for it's use of roundabouts, a funky sort of intersection that requires you to drive in circles until you feel dizzy. Cover these things in ice, and insanity happens. I come from the Midwest, where ice was easily battled with salt and sand. Apparently here, they don't believe in the magic powers of salt and sand. Instead everyone drives 5 miles an hour in the round abouts, run red lights because they can't stop, and fishtail all over the highway. They also like to panic and slam on their brakes.

I admit, it was bad road conditions. I did not expect it this morning, but I did have a warning before I hit the roads. And I can understand one or two mistakes being made on the icy roads. But I think they would do well to have someone actually tend to the roads. These people are not used to driving on icy roads, why make it more complex than needed?

TPS Reports

I went to a conference last month, which was paid for by the company that employs me. It was a 3 day stay (two nights). I however am 90% college student, so on the first night I ordered Papa John's Pizza, which I ate for breakfast and dinner for all three days (using lined paper for a plate, and drinking Mountain Dew which I had brought with me).

When I got back, I filled out the expense reports. I attached my two receipts, and got the forms signed by the appropriate people. When I turned them in, I was informed that I needed the Visa statement with it also, so the forms were rejected. Today the statement came in, so I refilled out the forms, got the appropriate signatures, and resubmitted the paperwork. They then informed me that it was the wrong paperwork. So I filled out the correct paperwork, reattached my two receipts, got the signatures, and submitted them again.

At this point I was informed that the descriptions on the expense report were not very detailed. I had put down "Pizza for conference" when apparently I was supposed to put down "Papa John's Pizza - Pizza for conference". I also did not list the name of the hotel in the description of my hotel room. I only had 2 items, it was easy, they could have filled out the paperwork, they could have guided me through it. Or even better, they could have looked at the Visa statement and said "Gee, that's when he was at the conference, I bet that pizza was what he ate down there."

Next time, I'm going into more detail. It shall be "Papa John's Pizza - 1 large pizza with extra cheese, no other toppings. 1 garlic breadsticks. - Ate 2 slices of pizza on November 8th 8:30 pm, 1 slice on November 9th at 7:24 am and also at 9:44 PM".

I know, even better, I'll go ahead and order a pr0n movie on the pay per view in the hotel next time. That way when I fill out the description I'll go ahead and say what the movie was. I'll even describe what all positions were used. I mean, wouldn't it be better to be fired for something like that than to go insane mumbling something about my red stapler?

MMORPG's can save your life

Finally, my belief that MMORPG's can save your life has been confirmed. A 12 year old Norwegian boy battled a real live moose and lived, all because of MMO's. The full tale can be read here. If you know Norwegian that is.

But if you don't know Norwegian, I'll sum it up for you. This 12 year old boy and his sister are walking through the woods IRL (they were probably hunting rats grinding XP or something). His sister Cheetah'ed and ran. But the hero boy (or would idiot be a better term?) decided to taunt the moose. The moose attacked. Luckily the boy's backpack had a deflection bonus. He was knocked to the ground, but was not harmed. So he decided to play possum, and feign death. The moose fell for it.

In the end, the boy and the girl survived. Another group of adventurers formed a raid and killed the moose. The noobs of Norway rejoiced. You might find this humorous, but in truth the boy said he learned the FD ability from playing WoW. Personally, I prefer Everquest 2, as there are less 12 year old boys that think they can pwn moose.

Wait, they have moose in Norway? I thought they were all in Canada eh?

Foods my accent hates

I hate chipotle. I detest it. I love the taste of it though. Know why I hate it? Because my Midwest tongue can't pronounce it. Chipotlee? Chip o'lay? Chee... wait, what? Every time I try and order this somewhere, I somehow manage to slaughter it. I know, it's proper pronunciation is chi PO lay. Great. It comes out Chip O'Lay instead. It doesn't sound Mexican when I say it, it sounds Irish, like O'Malley. I hate it. Stupid gringo tongue.

How about Gyro? I have a scientific background... I think Gyroscope. Something that spins. So it would be Jy roe, right? Well, sorta. I mean, it's based on the latin word meaning to spin: gyro. But that's not really how it's pronounced. It's a softer G than the Midwest American G or J. Almost a Hyro. But not High Roe, you need to roll it more. Great, now let's see if I can say it again without sounding like I'm a German saying Cairo while coughing up a hairball.

I know! I'll pretend to be a mute! I'll just write down on paper "I want a Gyro with Chipotle sauce, thanks". Yeah!

Sandwich Folding - Not the Holtzman Effect

Yes, I know, I already blogged today. I know what they say, blogging twice in a day will make you go blind... But this simply must be discussed!

Sandwich folding. The simple task of taking one piece of bread, putting something in it, and folding it. Often times referred to as a single bread sandwich. Usually this is done with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or similar contents.

I am a side to side folder. When I fold a sandwich, I make it so that the left and right side touch each other. I had always assumed this is how everyone else did it, until I got married. My wife does not have a particular sandwich folding strategy. Sometimes it's top to bottom, sometimes it's side to side. When I asked a wise friend how he folds his sandwich, he simply replied that he does not fold sandwiches.

But when my wise friend cuts his two breaded sandwiches, he cuts them top to bottom. So if he did fold sandwiches, would he likely fold them side to side like me? Well, this can't be certain. My wife almost always cuts sandwiches top to bottom. And me, a dedicated side to side folder, will cut sandwich diagonally.

I can not judge my friend for not folding sandwiches though. Because I am so dedicated to folding that I will rarely have a two breaded sandwich. I will instead make TWO one breaded folded sandwiches. So his eccentricities with not folding can be excused in the light of my eccentric requirement for folding. It goes so far that often times I will fold sandwiches that do not lend well to folding, such as a bologna sandwich (which my friend declared as blasphemy).

As I mentioned before, if I do have a two bread sandwich, I cut it diagonally. Usually these are cooked sandwiches that are almost impossible to cook in a folded state. This then raises the question, does anyone fold their sandwich diagonally? I shall try it sometime, and see if it affects my sandwich in any way.

In the end, it doesn't really matter. I enjoy a sandwich regardless of it's folding, as long as it is folded. After all, it is just a sandwich.

Genius Plan (aka: fun with links)

So here's the plan. I need to steal a robot, and I need to kidnap a rocket scientist.

Using these two tools, we shall send a robot to the moon. And it shall move around 500 meters, and it shall take pictures of things. Maybe it will even snap some pictures of some old NASA junk that was left behind. We will collect our $30 million prize from Google for being the first privately funded operation to get to the moon with a robot.

Of course we'll give some money to OLC (who is likely who we would steal the robot from). And likely give a bit to Ted thanking him for his assistance (we will also release him from captivity if he wants, but only after he explains that equation to me again, because the last time he explained it to me I so didn't get it). Obviously some of the money will also have to go to posting bail after the kidnapping and theft.

But there should be plenty of money left over to take on our next step in the plan. We will work with Virtual Reality. We will combine full body sensor arrays goggles and a bit of wire-fu to create a full body 3d interactive VR experience. This will make us even more money of course.

This is just the start of the plan though! Oh it gets better! We shall reinvest that money into creating Holodecks! Of course we will license the name fro Startrek, and this corporation cooperation will be as big as iPod and Starbucks. Obviously this will completely crush the entertainment industry, which we will buy out completely. This will obviously bring in MASSIVE amounts of money.

But of course, we all know money can buy anything, even private plane landing strips on government airports. So that will let us push through new technology that will let people plug their brains directly into computers. We'll of course hook their brains up to our world wide entertainment system, along with lots of other software. We'll need a catchy name for it, something like Matrix or Web, but maybe not something that's taken yet (I kinda like the sound of Grid).

Ah, but here is where it gets REALLY tasty. These humans that we jack into the Grid, they have all this unused brain, all that useless computational power! So we will use their brains to run our distributed computing system (much like SETI@home). With that computational power we will find extra terrestrial life. And we will lure them here with tentacle porn. Once they are here, we will beat them up with Cheetos. We will then steal their space ship, and fly around the universe having a fun time.

Ah yes. It's a perfect plan.

Cold Water

Why is water cold?

No serious, why is it cold? When you get water out of a water fountain, or a water cooler, or at the tap, or at a restaurant, what temperature is it? Cold.

Do people actually PREFER cold water to drink? I asked around. Some people said they do, and that it is more refreshing that way. But has anyone actually done a study on the drinking of cold/hot/room temp water? Or is it just that we all think "Oooh, ice, yeah gimme some of that."

And that's another thing. Ice. Why do we use ice? Sometimes the ice kinda gets stuck, and makes a mini-dam that prevents the flow of the water, and then all of a sudden the dam gives way and it splashes water. Well it's not a big deal for most people. Sure, their upper lip got a little wet, but most of the water just goes right back into the glass.

But you know what? I have a mustache. It gets my mustache all wet. I hate it. And if I try and curl my lip out of the way so my mustache doesn't get all wet, then the ice clanks against my teeth. And I don't even like the water being cold in the first place! I prefer it to be around room temperature. So I have to put up with my water being cold, plus the ice abusing my mustache and teeth!

Have you ever seen a sober man drink out of a glass with ice happily? No! He'll ask for a straw if he can!

All of this because the water that came out of the office water cooler is too cold for my personal tastes. I think by the time I post this it will have sat in my sippy cup long enough to warm up.