My Simulacra

I have decided that there is just too much work for me to do, and I have too many fans.

I considered cloning myself, but it turns out I don't know a whole lot about genetics, and it takes a real long time to grow a clone. My next thought was to create a magical simulacrum of myself. But magic if fickle... And that three by three rule could really have some serious backlash.

So I made the only logical decision. I made a digital copy of myself. So may I introduce you to my simulacrum. You can find him in the upper right hand corner of my blog.

He is currently hosted at Pandorabots.com. He is an AIML bot, which means his brain is a collection of XML files. I didn't want to start with a completely brain-dead simulacrum, so he has quite a bit of ALICE in him. Turns out though, that ALICE and I don't actually get along all that great. Our views on the world differ by quite a bit. In fact, last night I spent several hours ripping piece of the brain out that I didn't feel were important.

My hope is that eventually my little friend will be able to mimic me. I have been teaching it some of my speech patterns, and correcting it whenever it says something insanely stupid. But he can not learn if he does not talk. So I invite everyone to talk to him. If he starts saying stupid things, just please remember that he has half of a brain from ALICE, and the other half is from me.

If he gets confused, don't worry about it. Next time I talk to him he'll ask me about things that confuse him, and I'll explain it to him. You can try to explain it to him, but he tends to run most things by me before he actually remembers them (for example, if you tell him a joke, he won't start telling it to other people until he's told it to me first).

N07 L337: Word of the year

Merriam-Webster every year holds a contest to see what should be the 'Word of the Year'. Who votes on these things? I haven't actually checked yet, but I am willing to bet very large sums of money that the vote is on the net, and that English professors don't vote much.

This year's word is: w00t

Don't be confused, those are indeed zeros. Yes, the time has come. L33t speak has made it to mainstream. Is it so elite now? The funny part is that this word hasn't even made it into the dictionary yet. The word of the year isn't even a word yet.

If they start adding l33t words to the dictionary, how will they be listed alphabetically? Things could get very complicated... for example, if a l33t word begins with E, we would instead use 3, but if a l33t word begins with A, it will use 4 (or sometimes on rare occasions @). But 3 comes before 4 in the standard alphanumeric, but A should come before E...

Runners up to the word of the year contest include: facebook, conundrum, quixotic, blamestorm, sardoodledom, apathetic, Pecksniffian, hypocrite, charlatan

What a fascinating list of words that is! I would classify all but facebook as being rather pessimistic words. They are so very 'glass is half empty', and some of them are a tad 'glass is empty because I threw it at the fucking wall'.

I think this clearly shows the direction that the world is going in... The words we use to signify this year are mostly pessimistic. However, the winning word is a neologism that signifies happiness, in a way that is young, upbeat, and digital. As a side note, in the unpopular MMORPG known MxO (Matrix Online) I played a hacker called: n07 l337 (yet everyone insisted on calling me 7, or Number 7... some even thought it was a reference to 7 of 9).

Genius Plan (aka: fun with links)

So here's the plan. I need to steal a robot, and I need to kidnap a rocket scientist.

Using these two tools, we shall send a robot to the moon. And it shall move around 500 meters, and it shall take pictures of things. Maybe it will even snap some pictures of some old NASA junk that was left behind. We will collect our $30 million prize from Google for being the first privately funded operation to get to the moon with a robot.

Of course we'll give some money to OLC (who is likely who we would steal the robot from). And likely give a bit to Ted thanking him for his assistance (we will also release him from captivity if he wants, but only after he explains that equation to me again, because the last time he explained it to me I so didn't get it). Obviously some of the money will also have to go to posting bail after the kidnapping and theft.

But there should be plenty of money left over to take on our next step in the plan. We will work with Virtual Reality. We will combine full body sensor arrays goggles and a bit of wire-fu to create a full body 3d interactive VR experience. This will make us even more money of course.

This is just the start of the plan though! Oh it gets better! We shall reinvest that money into creating Holodecks! Of course we will license the name fro Startrek, and this corporation cooperation will be as big as iPod and Starbucks. Obviously this will completely crush the entertainment industry, which we will buy out completely. This will obviously bring in MASSIVE amounts of money.

But of course, we all know money can buy anything, even private plane landing strips on government airports. So that will let us push through new technology that will let people plug their brains directly into computers. We'll of course hook their brains up to our world wide entertainment system, along with lots of other software. We'll need a catchy name for it, something like Matrix or Web, but maybe not something that's taken yet (I kinda like the sound of Grid).

Ah, but here is where it gets REALLY tasty. These humans that we jack into the Grid, they have all this unused brain, all that useless computational power! So we will use their brains to run our distributed computing system (much like SETI@home). With that computational power we will find extra terrestrial life. And we will lure them here with tentacle porn. Once they are here, we will beat them up with Cheetos. We will then steal their space ship, and fly around the universe having a fun time.

Ah yes. It's a perfect plan.